A Teen. A Mental Health Crisis. And Their Parents.
I was about to log off for the night when I quickly checked a private Facebook group for parents to which I belong and participate.
The post was anonymous. From a parent. Their child was in a mental health crisis. At a local reputable hospital. Facing administrative issues.
Can you imagine finally getting your teen to an emergency room late at night, only to encounter bureaucracy when your child is in serious crisis?
I immediately responded asking if I could reach out to see if someone could help. They agreed, and for almost two hours, I had multiple message threads going simultaneously with people responding to my urgent outreach. People with experience in the mental health arena, parents who have lived the same nightmare, others wanting to help.
Mattered not that I didn’t know this family or the details. All that mattered was a teen was in crisis. The child’s parents were too. Scared to death. Unsure what to do. In need of immediate help. A parent’s worst nightmare in real time. Nothing else needed to be known.
The issues at the hospital were complicated and the focus was about bureaucracy, not the child in crisis. Much back and forth until the parents decided their next step, which wasn’t what they wanted or needed. I was so angry and frustrated that I found myself watching reruns until close to 3 in the morning.
There’s a mental health crisis regarding our children in this country. The issues are impacting them as young as 7. Some have what I have referred to as a “Chex Mix” of diagnoses; others may have a single diagnosis of depression. Some may yet to have any diagnosis at all. Some may be on medications; others may be self-medicating. Some may have been struggling for some time; some may have newly-emerged issues. The bottom line is that our kids are in crisis and the supports and services are lacking.
The needs are overwhelming the facilities where parents or loved ones will go to seek urgent care in the midst of a crisis — an emergency room. But they’re understaffed and many lack pediatric psychiatric care to help — https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/emergency-room-doctors-beg-help-treating-children-mental-health-illnes-rcna99951. Emergency room physicians are not typically psychiatrists, adding another level of delay to securing care.
So here’s what often happens. Parents try to manage the issues themselves. They speak with their pediatrician or the child’s psychiatrist — if they’ve even been able to secure one as the waiting lists are extensive — for guidance. They try to urge their children’s school to accommodate them, reducing the expectations and demands. And then the slow simmer of a building crisis rears, sending the child and their parents into chaos.
Parents often struggle to get their child to the emergency room in the first place depending upon their age. They struggle to decide whether to call 911 or a psychiatric mobile care unit for help. They often can’t find a bed for them in a facility, no less a bed where they feel comfortable knowing their child will be well and appropriately cared for as there are some with reputations that are a hard no for parents.
They’re struggling with the nightmare of seeing their child in agony. Struggling to navigate emergency intervention, doctors, paperwork, facilities, processes, and bureaucracy while desperately trying to get their child the help they desperately need. They all need a breath yet taking one is an effort.
We can sit and talk about why there’s a mental health crisis with our kids and there are plenty of reasons and theories. Social media. Bullying. Stigma. Family issues. School pressures. Trauma. Environment. Genetics. Friends. Are the reasons important? Absolutely, but not when the priority is helping parents secure the urgent and ongoing support their children desperately need.
This family is in a holding pattern, awaiting discussions with a facility that could be an answer to help their child. They, like millions of other families of children and teens struggling with their mental health, are doing their best to navigate arenas that require far more support for parents to know what to ask, what to do, when to do it, and who can help them figure it all out.
When our child has a broken arm, we pretty much know the steps and solution. When it comes to the complexities of mental health coupled with the complexities of their individual needs and stages of development, it’s anything but clear. Far too often given so many variables, it’s often a trial and error process when clarity is sorely needed.
And as if this isn’t enough, many parents are reluctant to reach out even in a private Facebook group to share their realities and ask for help, posting anonymously as this family did. We continue to believe that mental health is something to be ashamed of but physical health issues are acceptable. Until we begin to balance the scales to know that health is health, there will continue to be parents behind the curtain with their children there too.
I told this family that I’ll be checking in regularly because I feel their worry, their concerns, their uncertainty, their fear. Nothing is worse for parents than their child being in pain. We want to ease it but sometimes it really does require a supportive village to do so.
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